Grief and Loss

Last Updated on Monday, 15 March 2010 14:27

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It changes us- it can give us wisdom and experience, despite being an extremely painful process to go through. Grief is a normal part of life and helps us to learn what's important to us and what's not.

We can feel grief if we lose good things like:

People - through death or a relationship breakup or because a relationship changes.
Health - through illness or accident.
Things we own - by accident or theft.
Places - through moving schools, house or city.
Our place in the world - through losing a place on a team or a job, or because we have changed.
Pets

The following will come and go, and you may feel only some of them:

Shock/disbelief: 'I wake up in the morning and pretend it's just been a bad dream'. You feel in a daze, numb, empty. It can take a while for what has happened to sink in. Sometimes what has happened is so bad you don't want to believe it's true.

Sadness: You want to cry. It helps to let these feelings out when you feel them, rather than pushing them down. Afterwards you usually feel better and have a sense of belief.

Anger/blaming: You may feel angry. You may want to blame a particular person for the loss. Or you may blame yourself and feel guilty.

Yearning: 'It's hard for me to stop thinking about it, even when I'm trying hard to concentrate on what the teacher is saying.' There is a gap in your life where that person or thing once was. You understand that you can't have things the way they were, but you think, talk and may dream a lot about it.

Out of control: 'Why do I have to keep on crying all the time?' You may feel anxious because you suddenly have heaps less control over your feelings - tears want to spill out at any time. This will pass over time.

Physical Changes: Your body can feel grief too. You may feel generally unwell and have headaches, stomach aches, or get colds easily for awhile. You may have a change in appetite or feel tired a lot.

If you have lost someone or something that was very important to you, you may feel grief for a long time. You may feel angry or miserable all the time; you may think a lot about death and suicide; you might find it hard to concentrate or make decisions and feel that you don't enjoy anything any more.

Remember - times of change and loss may also provide opportunities for growth and gain.